So It’s 7:35 in the morning and I’ve been up for hours ticcing like mad. I am tired and I am in a hell of a lot of pain. To distract myself from all of this I’ve decided to write to you guys.
Not a great deal has happened this month since I last checked in, I fly out to Canada on the 27th of this month (September) I have 23 days to go, not that I’m counting or anything. (I’m 100% counting, lol) Then I go to Scotland for my tourettes weekender from the 12th-14th October, 2 days after I’m back from Canada. That’ll be amazing.
I’ve been struggling with walking recently. I get tired super easy, like I have to take breaks when I’m getting dressed. And walking also has been causing me a lot of pain. So for emergencies I’ve been considering getting a lightweight self propelled wheelchair. I would only use it for emergencies and when I can’t walk. I have a tic where my legs give in on me and I can’t get back up. Times like then it’d be super helpful for. And it’d be nice to not be holding people up and having to cut days out short all the time. It’d give me more independence, be safer for me and allow me to do things that right now I just can’t do. For example it’d give me more confidence to go out on my own.
The most difficult thing with it will be knowing how to broach the subject with my carers, I was considering leaving it until I move into adult foster care and then getting one. I figured that way would be easier than having to deal with the bitchy comments and talking about me behind my back that the other girls would do. (the residents) And have to deal with the staff thinking I’m being dramatic or that I’m just attention seeking etc. I think because I usually put on a brave face when I’m dealing with pain or because I usually push through as much as I physically can, then they don’t get how much I’m struggling. Physically my body isn’t the best, there’s some things my body just simply can’t do. I mean I don’t want to be spending time in a wheelchair at 18. Even just the idea of it sucks. But if this is what I need to do every so often to get the most out of my life, then fuck it. So no, I don’t think I’m going to take the easy option out. (Which would be easier emotionally in some ways but harder physically) I think I will look into getting one while I am in my current placement. It’s going to be hard but it’ll be worth it in the long run.
I just hope things physically improve soon. Because I can’t deal with this at the moment.
In other news, I got my hair cut short. It’s the first time I’ve had it cut in 6 years. It was a big step but I love it. Got the left side shaved on a number 3 and the right side’s in a long fringe. Like a pixie cut length. And it’s still purple.
Oh I went to Manchester pride. That was amazing. Had the best time ever. Saw the parade, went to the silent disco, went into the clubs for the first time, danced, partied, drank, got my face glittered, and we also lit up a candle in memory of those/ we’ve lost. Got slightly too drunk on the Monday night when I got back (I blame the gin) and had the hangover from hell the next morning but it was so so worth it. Rainbowed it up. Loved it. And I got to see Lucy spraggan on the main stage, I love her and it was great to finally see her live. Going to hopefully book tickets to see her in Manchester in October. This year is going too quickly. It’ll be Christmas soon. My mum’d kill me if she heard me saying the C word this early in the year. LOL.
That’s about it from me. Will keep you all semi updated at least on the walking situation.
With love and dinosaur hugs
Alanis x
Lifewithamentalillnessandtourettes 